There are a lot of times when I wonder what my dog is thinking. Does she really like these new treats, or is she just hungry? Does she prefer the red ball or the yellow ball? Does she enjoy swimming or is she just happy to play with me in the pool? WHY does she bark at everything that moves? It’s a leaf! This leaf will not attack our home, I promise. This leaf is not a threat. Still, it makes me wonder what is going on in that little doggy brain of hers, and a lot of the points on this list seem to come really close to what she is probably thinking! These are hilarious.
1. What if I never find out who’s a good boy?
2. If I eat that cat’s poop, tomorrow it’ll be my poop.
3. If I wasn’t around, my human would end up losing dozens of balls every day.
4. Master runs slow because he only uses half of his legs.
5. My human didn’t give me any of his dinner, even though I haven’t eaten in 12 minutes, does he hate me?
6. OK ITS RAINING AND I JUST HEARD A SUPER LOUD NOISE OUTSIDE WHAT IS THAT.
7. If a tree falls in a forest, and nobody is around, it’s mine, I peed on it, don’t touch it.
8. Why do humans harvest our poop?
9. GUYS. GUYS. MOM JUST GAVE ME A BATH AND I THOUGHT I WAS DYING BUT I’M NOT DEAD AND NOW LOOK HOW FAST I AM!!
10. Who let us out?
11. Human sleeps on bed, I sleep on floor. But sometimes when human drinks from lots of cans, he sleeps on floor. Maybe if I drink from the cans, I can sleep on bed.
12. Master just tied me to a tree. Now I am human, tree is dog now.
13. I DO want to go outside! How does she know?!
14. Life is like a car ride. Sometimes you go to the vet, sometimes it goes to the park, and you don’t know where you’re going until you get there so just enjoy the ride.
15. My humans said I am 6 today. I am Suzie, not 6.
16. Oh boy oh boy oh boy the pizza crust man is here.
17. SQUIRRELS ARE JUST TENNIS BALLS THROWN BY GOD.
18. Human has gotten noticeably smaller since we first met.. He used to be able to pick me up with one hand!
19. I had to bark at my human for 12 hours before he would come back inside the house, but it worked.
20. Seriously? Still no color tv?
Okay, so a few of those are jokes intended for humans (I’m looking at you, #10) but they still made me laugh! My favorite is definitely #18! While my dogs have grown a lot since we first brought them home, they don’t seem to have noticed why they no longer fit in those tiny spaces they used to crawl under. They still try, but surely by now they would have realized that they are the reason they no longer fit under the bed? Right? Maybe our dogs don’t know why they do what they do, but I like to pretend that they have a list of questions about their existence just like we do.