Everyone has problems, and they seem bigger when they are your own. However, when you start comparing one person’s problems to another, suddenly some of them pale in comparison. We go through this almost daily. At work, we hear of someone complaining that they didn’t get enough PTO to cover their summer vacation while you’ve already used yours to bring your kids to the doctor when they had the flu one after the other. In the same way that your problems may pale in comparison to the single mother who lives down the hall and works more than one job.
THESE problems are outrageous…
1. My iPhone fell out of my pocket and cracked my iPad.
2. My dentist’s ceiling TV is set to the wrong aspect ratio.
3. I had to sneeze during a complicated lane change at rush hour, and I was nervous that there would be an accident. Thankfully, my chauffeur is excellent and we’re safe, even though he was startled. But he forgot to say “bless you.”
4. I can’t use my toilet right now, because it’s cleaning itself.
5. I forgot to bring my phone with me when I went to poop and I was bored the entire time.
6. I had so much leg room on this flight I couldn’t reach the pocket on the chair in front of me to rest my feet.
7. No one was in the elevator with me so I had no one to impress when I pressed the button to my suite.
8. My pillow is about to expire.
9. I took a fake poop at work ten minutes ago to play on my smartphone but now I actually have to poop. Now everyone is going to think I have diarrhea.
10. My DVR was too full to record Hoarders.
11. I threw a champagne party to get rid of excess champagne, but guests brought champagne with them and now I have more than I started off with…
12. I forgot to charge my electric toothbrush so I had to sweep the bristles across my teeth manually like some type of pauper.
13. My groceries heat up too much in the trunk of my mid-engines sports car.
14. I only got 1 dipping sauce with my 20 nuggets and had to ration it like it was WWII.
15. My favorite oatmeal bar in NYC won’t stir my oatmeal for me anymore.
16. I don’t know which key is to which BMW.
17. I cut my finger and now my fingerprint scanner doesn’t recognize me, so I actually have to type in the password for my computer.
18. I had to wake up at 4am, to go on vacation.
19. Not being able to fit my divorce settlement on a single line of a cheque.
20. The HDTV in my fridge has a dead pixel.
21. I browsed the Internet so much while I was supposed to be working that I have nothing interesting to look at now I’m on break.
22. Both my divorced parents have sail boats at different yacht clubs and they both want to take me sailing today.
23. I parked my Lexus in cement and everyone is taking pictures instead of helping me.
24. My take-out is heavy enough to make my car beep at it for not wearing a seat belt.
25. A while ago, I spilled healthy, organic chia seeds from my drink. Now they’ve sprouted from my Dyson.
I…there are no words for how ridiculous some of these are. Do you have any that would qualify for this list, or are these too outrageous for you?! I will say that my favorite restaurant has stopped delivering take-out, and now I have to drive and pick it up. So that’s something.
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