For those times in your life when you wish karma would work just a little bit quicker, try a few of these inconvenient curses. No, I don’t wish a pox on anyone’s first born, I don’t wish a famine on your country, and I don’t want you to die painfully just because you cut me off in traffic this morning…but if your shoelaces were just a little bit too tight to tie into a perfect bow later, I wouldn’t be sad for you. Sometimes you just need to vent a little bit without feeling too bad about it. Hey, try these on and see if you can relate!
1. May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
2. May every sock you wear be slightly rotated, just enough for it to be uncomfortable.
3. May your mother come to talk to you, and then leave your door slightly ajar, so that you have to get up and close it.
4. May your article load that extra little bit as you’re about to click a link so you click an ad instead.
5. May both sides of your pillow be warm.
6. May you forever feel your cellphone vibrating in the pocket it’s not even in.
7. May you always get up from your computer with your headphones still attached.
8. May your life be as pleasant as you are.
9. May your chair produce a sound similar to a fart, but only once, such that you cannot reproduce it to prove that it was just the chair.
10. May your five year old neighbor have their violin lessons during all of your hangovers.
11. May you have your laptop charge all night without noticing the cord isn’t plugged in the wall.
12. May perforations never tear in your favor.
13. May you always step in a wet spot after putting on fresh socks.
14. May your tea be too hot when you receive it, and too cold by the time you remember it’s there.
15. May your cookie always be slightly too large to fit inside your glass of milk.
16. May the pin of the bathroom stall never reach the lock to close the door.
17. May all your Facebook invites be game invites.
18. May you never be quite certain whether that pressure is a fart or poop.
19. May your spoon always slip and sink under the hot soup you eat.
20. May you never remember these curses when you try to.
Even though these are fairly hilarious, we can all relate to them. These have all happened to us once or twice, but the thought of even one of these “curses” happening to us 100% of the time for the rest of our lives sounds absolutely miserable! After reading through this list, I’m no longer sure I would wish them on even my worst of enemies…although maybe once or twice a week wouldn’t hurt. Did these make you laugh, too? I think # 15 is my favorite of all time. It’s not bad, it’s just so incredibly inconvenient! Inconvenient like the time you stole that parking spot I was clearly waiting for. Come on, my blinker was on and everything. You deserve that misshapen cookie. You really do.
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