Some people have a natural gift for communicating with animals. They are able to train their pets to do tricks, learn commands, and signal for things that they need like water or food or exercise. However, there are a few exceptions to this talent…and that’s where this odd little pooch comes in. His owner is perfectly capable of teaching him to signal when he wants to go outside, but it’s obvious that something got lost in translation! Too funny!
We trained the dog so that when he wants out, he goes to the front door and waits.
Somehow in his little golden retriever brain, he interpreted this to mean “go to the front door, and lick it.”
If he’s at the door, but isn’t licking it, he doesn’t need out, he’s just chilling.
So, this was our routine – when he wants out, he goes to the front door, and licks it. And then we moved house, and he got very, very confused.
He knew he had to go to the front door when he wants out, but this was a new house with obviously a door that was completely new to him.
Despite our condo having only one door that leads outside, and him going out this very same door literally at least five times a day, every day, for about a year…he still has no idea where the front door is in this house. Absolutely no idea at all.
Now whenever he needs out, he will go to any random door and start licking it. And I mean any door – the bathroom door, my bedroom door, my closet, the goddamn door of a kitchen cabinet, even.
I don’t know if he’s really smart or really dumb. Because clearly, he understands conceptually what a door is. I don’t know if he thinks my closet or the kitchen cabinets lead to outside, or if he’s just hoping to find doggy Narnia, or if he’s just hopelessly given up on ever being able to find the door by himself and is just doing the best he can, but every goddamn time he wants out, he’s right there licking the glass door to the shower or something.
He doesn’t alert us he needs out any other way. So if you haven’t seen him in a while, you have to search room by room until you find him with his tongue pressed up against the linen closet because he thinks outside might be that way.
He’s the biggest, dumbest dog I have ever met in my life and I could not love him any more. He’s perfect.
Here he is, patiently licking the door of my wardrobe.
He knows that if he licks a door, someone will let him outside! It doesn’t matter which door he licks. If he sits there long enough, the front door will open and he will be free to chase the local squirrels and do his business. Is it possible to re-train this old dog? I’ve never gotten past “sit!”