A Stranger Scolded Her For Baby-Wearing In Public. The Truth Behind This Mother’s Choice Is CHILLING! I Can’t Stop Crying!

She meant well, of course. “Back in her day,” the thinking was that giving a child “too much” love would spoil them. But back in her day, seat belts were suggestions, water was fine to give to a newborn, and letting an infant use a pillow was common practice. Times have changed, and more and more parents are speaking up against “helpful” suggestions from strangers. The truth is that while they may mean well, the things these strangers are saying can be hurtful – especially if they are giving really outdated advice.

Dear Woman in Target,

I’ve heard it before, you know. That I “spoil that baby”. You were convinced that she’d never learn to be “independent”. I smiled at you, kissed her head, and continued my shopping.

If you only knew what I know.

If you only knew how she spent the first ten months of her life utterly alone inside a sterile metal crib, with nothing to comfort her other than sucking her fingers.

If you only knew what her face looked like the moment her orphanage caregiver handed her to me to cradle for the very first time–fleeting moments of serenity commingled with sheer terror. No one had ever held her that way before, and she had no idea what she was supposed to do.

If you only knew that she would lay in her crib after waking and never cry–because up until now, no one would respond.

If you only knew that anxiety was a standard part of her day, along with banging her head on her crib rails and rocking herself for sensory input and comfort.

If you only knew that that baby in the carrier is heartbreakingly “independent” –and how we will spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years trying to override the part of her brain that screams “trauma” and “not safe”.

If you only knew what I know.

If you only knew that that baby now whimpers when she’s put down instead of when she is picked up.

If you only knew that that baby “sings” at the top of her lungs in the mornings and after her nap, because she knows that her chatter will bring someone to lift her out of her crib and change her diaper.

If you only knew that that baby rocks to sleep in her Mama’s or her Papa’s arms instead of rocking herself.

If you only knew that that baby made everyone cry the day she reached out for comfort, totally unprompted.

If you only knew what I know.

“Spoiling that baby” is the most important job I will ever have, and it is a privilege. I will carry her for a little while longer–or as long as she’ll let me–because she is learning that she is safe. That she belongs. That she is loved.

If you only knew…”


For this mother, making sure her baby feels loved is her #1 priority. Her baby has been independent since birth. Her baby needs to know that she is loved and protected. It isn’t the place for a stranger to input their opinions to someone else’s parenting decisions. This mom wants more people to understand that everyone has different struggles in life, and it’s our job to help each other get through it, not put each other down because we’re doing it differently.

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