It’s a curious thing, but somehow, a mother knows what is best for her child. Even new mothers who have never been around children or held a baby before in their life will instinctively know if something is wrong or what their baby prefers. With the help of her pediatrician, this new mother had finally found a way to help her newborn baby girl to eat without screaming for hours afterwards…and a stranger had too much to say.
Dear Stranger in Target,
You didn’t need to tell me, “breast is best” as I was buying a can of baby formula, because I already know.
I know that my husband and I excitedly took the four hour breast feeding class when I was pregnant.
I know that my baby immediately did skin to skin and ate from my breast within an hour of her birth, because it was important to me.
I know that we saw a lactation consultant before we took her home, and again a few weeks later.
I know that we struggled at first. That some nights we both cried together. That my dear friends swore it would get better. I know they were right, and it did.
I know “breast is best” just like you do.
But, let me tell you what else I know.
I know that my baby began screaming after she ate. Writhing in pain. Inconsolable.
I know over the last month and a half I have exclusively pumped and tried slow flow bottles of breast milk, I have tried different positions, I have seen another lactation consultant.
I know I have held my child, my baby, while she screamed for hours- one day for eight hours straight.
I know we have been to see the pediatrician at least twice a week since she has been born.
I know that I tried cutting soy, and dairy, and leafy greens from my diet to make my milk more digestible for her.
I have pumped- and I’m still pumping- enough to have hundreds of ounces of breast milk in my freezer even though she will likely never be able to eat it.
All because “breast is best.”
And then finally, we tried the hypoallergenic dairy protein free formula you saw me buying today. And the screaming lessened. And my baby started smiling. She started interacting. She started sleeping.
And I cried. Because I thought breast was best. I thought my body failed her. I thought she wouldn’t be as healthy on formula.
I know you think I must not care or I’m lazy, or maybe you were genuinely trying to be helpful and thought no one had ever told me the benefits of breast feeding.
But, you are wrong. What I know that you don’t is that breast ISN’T always best. I know happy, healthy baby is best. I know FED is best.
What I’m sure we both know is that parenting is hard. Really hard. That sometimes what we plan for and what we want just doesn’t work out, but we are all here trying to do what’s best for our babies.
So, dear stranger, next time you see someone buying formula, try to remember that mamas should support each other. Think about everything you might not know. Remind yourself that “fed is best” and smile because it means someone loves their baby enough to do what’s best for them.
Another Mom Doing Her Best and a Happier Formula Fed Baby
P.S. Dear friends, please feel free to share this in the hopes the people who need the reminder see it. (And I will in turn promise not to bombard your wall with any more essays about parenting!)
Unsolicited advice is never welcome. A stranger butting in with their opinions, especially when the situation tells them that what they are about to say is obviously not helpful, can be downright hurtful sometimes. This new mother handled herself with grace. She didn’t call out the woman by name. She didn’t rant about how angry she was at the stranger’s words. She explained her choices and wants other moms to know that their decisions shouldn’t be judged by other mothers because they don’t know your baby like you do.
This goes for grandma’s, aunts, cousins, and “family,” too. Just because something worked for one child does not mean that it will work for another. Motherhood is hard enough as it is…there is no need to add more pressure to an already impossible job! Do you agree with this dedicated mama?