Whenever something embarrassing used to happen to us, my mother always shook her head and just said “well, you can’t choose your family.” Surely you have experienced this at one point in your life as well…just maybe not to this extreme extent! Uncle Jim might have been on the local news for accidental shoplifting or cousin Mabel was reprimanded for owning more than 15 cats. It happens – we see our own family members making their mark on society, and we think “I can’t believe I’m related to them…” That is probably what this kid was thinking when he got THIS letter from his mother! Poor guy…
I’m writing this slow because I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won’t be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn’t have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I’m not sure it works so well, though. Last week, I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven’t seen them since. The weather isn’t bad here. It only rained twice last week: the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send: your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven’t found out what it is yet so I don’t know if you are an aunt or uncle. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. He burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn’t get the tailgate down. There isn’t much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
No wonder her son moved away from home! That sounds like one confusing family! Can you imagine trying to have a conversation with someone who thinks…well, you read the letter! They need to practice logical math problems, or try and improve their critical thinking skills. All I can really say is…”good luck.”
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